Becoming 30!

                                   

When I was 9 I wanted to be a pilot. I had just discovered my love for Maths and we were doing those problems solving questions in class that I absolutely love. Someone had told me pilots needed to be good in maths and science and that fit my description to a T!

And then when I was 11 I wanted to be a lawyer. Lawyers talked a lot and knew about history and could defend themselves, and that was my whole personality then. Then 2 years later at 13 I discovered actuaries. They dealt with numbers and statistics and insurance and after one episode on SABC 2 about the day in the life of an actuary, I was convinced! I wanted to be an actuary for a while after that.

Then finally 3 years later at 16 I learnt more about our then president, H.E. Dr Festus Mogae. He was an Economist. He combined his knowledge for maths and wanting to help people into being an economist. It was a no brainer after that, I wanted to be the female version of him.

Honorary mention goes to Journalism, Archaeology and History of Art. Those were some of the other careers I thought about over the years. And for context, I am a millennial. We were told that any value we had and any identity we had was derived from our jobs and our contribution to society. So what you chose to be/do was pretty important, you had to put in a lot of work into that decision.

So finally at 18 I was enrolled in University and on my way to be a Mathematician and/or Economist. My life was never simpler. To top it off, a year or so later I met a guy who I thought would complete the whole circle. Oh, did I forget to mention that my success and value also depended on whether I was married or not? My bad. But yes, there I was, in a semi-successful long term relationship heading towards marriage and a promising fulfilling career as an economist or at least econometrician.

Except life doesn't really follow your formula and success isn't linear. It took me a while, and I mean a really long while to redefine my version of success. I am going to be 30 in a couple of days, unmarried (and not seeing it happening in the foreseeable future), a single parent and NOT an economist/econometrician. But I still see myself as successful. I recently read an enlightening book about self sabotage; The Mountain Is You and realised that the reason I was so unhappy in my life was that I was still holding on to 16 year old me's version of success. I was so naive and young then, my success vision was almost impossible. 

Right now, my version of success looks like getting to work on time everyday all week. Success is making sure that my 5 year old has done all his homework in time on the weekend. And it also means coming home with no pending work from the office. My biggest lesson at 30 is the need to readjust your dictionary and expectations based on the person you have become now. 16 year old me would be slightly disappointed in the person I have become because she was so jaded, but trust that 25 year old me is proud of the person I have become.

P.S. Writing a blog post is on my list of to do things on my #RoadTo30